The Psychology of Addiction
Today I want to reflect on something that connects psychology, human
behaviour, and personal growth. It’s about addiction, but not just in
the narrow sense of substances or habits. When we look at
addiction, it’s easy to assume that substances like alcohol or drugs are
the main cause. But a deeper psychological view suggests something more
complex. Many forms of addiction arise from unresolved emotional or
psychological issues within the individual. This can apply not
only to alcohol or drugs, but also to things like sex, shopping, or
other repetitive and compulsive behaviours. In many cases, these
behaviours are not just about pleasure or habit. They can become ways of
coping, ways of calming the mind, escaping emotional pain, or
temporarily numbing feelings such as insecurity, self-hatred,
loneliness, or internal conflict. From this perspective, the
addiction itself is not the core issue. Instead, it can be seen as a
symptom of something deeper. The behaviour or substance becomes a quick
and accessible way of avoiding emotional experiences that feel too
painful, too overwhelming, or too complicated to face directly. This
understanding also connects to a broader idea in psychology and
personal development: self-realisation and personal growth. True
self-understanding is not simply about assuming that we already know who
we are. Rather, it involves a careful and honest awareness of the
conditioning, fears, insecurities, and psychological patterns that shape
how we think, feel, and behave. Many psychological and spiritual
traditions describe self-realisation not as a final achievement, but as
an ongoing process, almost like a gateway. It opens the possibility of
greater freedom, clarity, and a deeper understanding of both ourselves
and the world around us. The key message here is that our
conditioning does not have to define us permanently. Even though these
patterns can be deeply rooted and sometimes difficult to recognise,
awareness is the first and most important step. Once we begin to see
these patterns clearly, we are no longer entirely controlled by them.
Instead of living unconsciously within them, we start to create space
between ourselves and our conditioning. And in that space, change
becomes possible.
The Power Of Recitation
There was a conversation I had recently with someone who had embraced
Islam not long ago, and what he said stayed with me. I thought it was
important enough to share. He told me, “I’ve been reading the
translation of the Quran in English, and I find it deeply profound.
Intellectually, it makes sense to me. My mind follows it. But when I
hear the Quran recited in Arabic, something else happens. I become
emotional, even though I don’t fully understand the language.” He
said, “It’s not just me either. I’ve seen people who have never read
the Quran sit and listen to a recitation, and you can see it affect
them. Some become emotional. Some even have tears in their eyes. Why is
that?” I told him that perhaps we need to reflect on the purpose
behind revelation itself. When God sends something down, it carries
layers of meaning and wisdom far beyond what we immediately understand. The
translation conveys the meaning — and that is important. It allows the
intellect to engage. But the Quran in its original revealed form carries
something more than information alone. There is a resonance that
reaches beyond the mind and touches the heart directly. And this is why, even without understanding every word, people can still feel moved by it. When
the Quran is recited beautifully, sincerely, and with presence, it has
an impact that is difficult to explain purely through language. It stirs
something deep within the human being. You feel it emotionally before
you can fully analyse it intellectually. Even animals sometimes
react to it in remarkable ways. People have noticed this for centuries.
There is a calmness, an attentiveness, almost as though creation itself
responds to that recitation. There is something in its vibration, its
harmony, its spiritual energy, that resonates naturally with the soul. And then we reflect further: why was the Quran revealed in Arabic? Of
course, one reason is that it was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
among an Arabic-speaking people, so that they could understand the
message clearly. But there is also something extraordinary about the
choice itself. At that time, Arabia was not viewed as a centre of
civilisation. The great empires, the Romans, the Persians, the powerful
kingdoms surrounding them, did not look to Arabia as a place of
importance. It was seen as remote, insignificant, even forgotten. Yet God chose that very place. And
this is often the divine way: to raise what the world overlooks. To
take a people considered low in worldly terms and elevate them through
revelation, morality, and spiritual purpose.
The Empty Boat
A
man is rowing a boat down a river. Everything is calm until he notices
another boat heading straight toward him. He starts to panic, thinking
they’re about to crash. He shouts for the other person to move, but the
boat keeps coming. The closer it gets, the angrier he becomes. He’s
yelling, swearing, completely worked up, convinced the other person is
ignoring him.
Then, just before the boats collide, he realizes something — the other boat is empty.There’s nobody in it at all.So he simply reaches out with his paddle, gently pushes the boat aside, and instantly all the anger, fear, and stress disappear.That
story feels a lot like life. Human beings naturally carry a kind of
built-in anxiety, and many times we create fear within ourselves — not
because the situation itself is causing it, but because of our
imagination.That’s
why, when we feel anxious or overwhelmed, it helps to pause and look at
things more rationally instead of letting our imagination take over. A
lot of the time, the fear and panic we feel come more from our mind than
from reality itself.
Stigma And Self-Perception
Dr.
Kleck conducted a social experiment in the United States during the
1970s. The study explored how deeply conditioning and self-perception
can influence the way we experience the world and interpret the
behaviour of others.
In the
experiment, volunteers were invited to participate in what they believed
was a study about visible facial scars and social reactions. Using
professional makeup, the researchers created realistic-looking scars on
the participants’ faces, like the techniques used in film productions.
The volunteers were then asked to go out into public places and observe
how people reacted to them. Their task was to pay attention to the way
others looked at them, behaved around them, or avoided them, and record
their experiences and feelings.As
the participants walked around, many reported feeling that people were
uncomfortable around them. They noticed others staring, keeping their
distance, or seeming hesitant to approach them. Naturally, this created
feelings of rejection and discomfort, because visible facial differences
are often associated with social stigma or negative assumptions.However,
the most interesting part of the experiment came afterwards. Before the
participants left the laboratory, the researchers secretly removed the
artificial scar without telling them. The volunteers still believed the
scar remained on their faces when they returned to the public setting
for a second time.Even though
the scar had actually been removed, the participants continued to feel
judged and rejected. They still interpreted people’s reactions as
negative and believed others were responding to them in the same way as
before. This suggested that once the participants had been conditioned
to think of themselves as marked or socially excluded, that internal
belief continued to shape their perceptions, even when the physical
cause no longer existed.The
experiment illustrates how powerful conditioning can be, particularly
when it affects self-image. When people strongly believe something
negative about themselves, they may unconsciously interpret ordinary
social interactions through that lens. In many cases, the emotional
expectation of rejection becomes more influential than reality itself.
The Spiritual Master and the Scorpion
A spiritual master was walking along a riverbank when he noticed a scorpion struggling in the water, fighting to stay afloat. Moved by compassion, he reached down and gently lifted it, intending to place it safely on dry land.
As soon as he touched it, the scorpion stung him.
Startled by the sharp pain, the master instinctively dropped it and the scorpion fell back into the water.
Without hesitation, the master reached down again to save it. Again, the scorpion stung him. Again, he dropped it.
A third time, he tried. Though stung once more, he managed to carry the scorpion to the shore and set it safely on dry ground.
His disciples, who had witnessed the whole scene, rushed to him and treated his swollen hand. Once the pain had subsided, one of them asked:
“Master, why did you keep trying to save it? You knew it would sting you. What was the point?”
The master replied calmly:
“It is the scorpion’s nature to sting. It does not know that I wish to help it. Acting from instinct, it does what it was created to do.”
He paused, then continued:
“But why should I change my nature because of the scorpion’s nature? Do not allow another’s harmful action to make you abandon your compassion. The scorpion acts according to its nature. I act according to mine.”
The Lion’s Breath
There was a lion who’s partner told him that his breath smelled. Offended and angry, he stormed away and decided to ask the opinion of others.
He first approached a sheep and said, “Tell me truthfully, does my breath smell?” The sheep, being honest, replied, “Yes, it does.” Enraged by the answer, the lion killed the sheep.
Later, he met a wolf. The wolf had already heard what happened to the sheep and was afraid. When the lion asked him the same question, the wolf quickly answered, “No, not at all.” The lion recognized the lie and, angered again, killed the wolf as well.
Finally, the lion came across a fox. When asked whether the lion’s breath smelled, the fox began coughing and said, “Your Majesty, I have a cold. I cannot smell anything, so I cannot answer you honestly either way.” The lion, finding no offense in this response, allowed the fox to go free.
The story highlights an important lesson about discernment. Not everyone who asks for advice is prepared to receive it. Speaking truth requires wisdom not only about what is said, but when, how, and to whom it is spoken. The moral reminds us to be thoughtful and vigilant when offering our own advice, understanding the character and intentions of those who seek it.
Three Affirmations to Close the Day at Peace
Before you go to sleep each night, take a quiet moment to say these words slowly and intentionally. Let them settle in your mind as you prepare for rest:
1. Gratitude for What Was — Even What I Didn’t Understand
“Thank you God, for everything. For what I did, what I didn’t do, what I understood and what I didn’t understand. Thank you for the delays, the closed doors, the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts,’ and the setbacks. There was wisdom in them, even when I couldn’t see it. With Your assistance and guidance, I trust I will understand in time.”
Why this matters: This reframes frustration into trust. Instead of going to sleep replaying rejection or confusion, you acknowledge that not knowing doesn’t mean failure. It softens resistance. And resistance is what keeps the mind spinning at night.
2. Release What I Cannot Control
“God, please help me release what I cannot control. Every fear. Every weight. Every ‘what if.’ Help me to lay down what I carried today, and to be at peace.”
Why this matters: During the day, we tighten up especially over things outside our control. At night, if we don’t consciously release them, we carry them straight into our sleep.
3. Invitation for Peace and Healing
“I call upon You for peace tonight. Stillness through the night. As my body sleeps and heals, assist me in deep healing so I may wake in peace.”
Why this matters: Sleep is already a biological healing state. When you intentionally align with that, you move from anxious sleep to restorative sleep. You’re not just collapsing into bed, you’re entering stillness to promote healing.
Why Self-Realisation Is the Foundation of True Spiritual Growth
One of the most important things for anyone who sees themselves as a spiritual seeker is self-realisation. I know it sounds difficult, and I know how it goes.
When people are given a technique, they get enthusiastic at first, and then after a while it fades. But with self-realisation, a real spiritual seeker cannot treat it lightly or come back to it only when it suits them.
You can do all the retreats, all the gatherings, your prayer, your spiritual practices, but none of that deals with the real issue inside you unless you do self-realisation. Ritual alone doesn’t change you.
Look around. Look at religious people, spiritual people, even countries that say, “We believe in God.” But when you look at behaviour, sometimes you really doubt the humanity. So let’s look at ourselves, after all these prayers, how much have we actually changed?
Until we become human, we cannot really become spiritual. And the only way to become human is through proper self-realization.
Without it, people do everything outwardly but may become narrow-minded, fanatical, or harsh with others. That’s because they never looked inside. And then we start assuming we are spiritual when actually nothing much has shifted.
With self-realisation, you start chipping away at things you didn’t even know you had; jealousy, insecurity, fear, lack of confidence, attraction to negativity. And at the same time, you may discover qualities that you never recognized. This is not emotional work, this is real work at the level of the soul. Coming to retreats and doing practices is good, it creates positive energy, but without self-realization that energy can even boost the ego and give a false sense of safety.
When that work is done properly, the heart becomes clean. Otherwise, the light cannot shine, and a rusty mirror won’t reflect it.
I Am Love
Mullah Nasreddin was known as a wise man, so one day four people came to him with a problem.
The first person explained his view. Nasreddin listened and said, “That’s true.”
The second person spoke next, saying the exact opposite of the first. Nasreddin nodded and said, “That’s true.”
The third person disagreed with them both and presented a different opinion. Nasreddin said again, “That’s true.”
Then a fourth person came and argued against all three. Nasreddin listened carefully and said, “That’s true.”
Someone in the audience became angry and said, “They can’t all be right. How can you say everyone is telling the truth?”
Nasreddin replied, “Each person is speaking from their own angle. Each one has part of the truth. I can see that because I am not in love with myself. I am love. When I am not focused on myself, I can understand others. When you see with love, you can recognize the truth in everyone—even when they disagree.”
The Life Of Dostoevsky
Fyodor Dostoevsky was a Russian writer, and his books go very deep into human nature. They are not light stories. They deal with things like doubt, guilt, suffering, and the reasons people act the way they do.
He did not start out as a writer straight away. He was interested in literature, but he went to Saint Petersburg, one of the biggest cities in Russia, and studied engineering for the army. He did that because it was a stable and respected path. But he did not enjoy it. Writing was what he really wanted to do. So he began spending time with people who liked discussing ideas and questioning society. They were asking why there was so much injustice and inequality in people’s lives. At that time, Russia was ruled by Tsar Nicholas I, and even reading certain books or gathering to talk about ideas was not allowed. Just discussing and questioning things could get you into serious trouble.
Eventually, Dostoevsky and his friends were arrested. They were accused of political crimes and sentenced to death. They spent months in prison waiting for execution. One day they were taken out, lined up, and the execution process began. When it was almost Dostoevsky’s turn, the order was suddenly stopped. The Tsar had changed the sentence. Instead of being executed, they were sent to Siberia.
Siberia was extremely harsh. Dostoevsky spent years there among criminals, murderers, and thieves. He himself was not a criminal. His only crime was questioning the system and thinking differently. He was sick for much of that time and lived under very difficult conditions.
But during those years, he closely observed the people around him. He watched how they thought, how they justified their actions, how they dealt with guilt, fear, and suffering. This experience gave him a deep understanding of human psychology.
Later, this showed up in his writing. One of his most famous books, Crime and Punishment, reflects much of what he saw and understood during his imprisonment. It explores why people commit crimes, how they live with their conscience, and how suffering affects the human mind.
After finishing his sentence, he returned to his city and continued writing. The reason I am talking about him is not just because he was a great writer, but because of what his life shows us. Dostoevsky shows that a person can be full of doubt and still be searching for truth. Someone can go through failure, hardship, and suffering and still grow from it. Many of the questions he raised about human nature still do not have clear answers, even today.
Sometimes when life feels difficult or unfair, there is something to learn from it. Patience and endurance can slowly change a person. Real growth usually does not come from comfort. It comes from struggle and questioning.